Fine. I’ll do it myself.
Guet. Dänn halt sälber.
Three days. Four colleagues. One man who opened the file. A campaign about the guy every team has, and the clothes he wears while doing everyone else’s job.
Scroll. Reto won’t.Manifest
Every team has one.
He reads the whole email. Not the subject line. The whole email, including the attachment Urs forgot to attach.
He closes the ticket Reto opened in March.
He fixes the Pfusch at 6 a.m., while the rest of the team is “circling back.”
He doesn’t say much in the Sitzig. By then he’s already done.
He doesn’t need a title, a framework or a quick alignment. He needs a shirt that still looks right at 23:40.
We make clothes for him.
Chrampfe · Vom Stall bis is Rächezentrum
Wednesday, due Friday.
Mittwuch
Due Friday. Status: green.
-
Reto books a “quick alignment” for Thursday at 16:00. Eleven attendees. No agenda. Subject: “Quick sync re: Friday.”
-
Urs replies all: “Aligned.” 340 people now know.
-
Beat is “finalizing the framework.” The meter runs at CHF 240 an hour.
-
Feierabig. For the others.
-
He opens the file. First person to do so. The status report still says “green.”
BB-01 · Worn here Wednesday, Due Friday «Status grüen. Datei no nie uufgmacht.» CHF 89.– -
Still at it. The shirt still looks like 09:00. Lyocell, 135 g/m², knitterfrei.
Dunschtig
It’s always your week.
-
Prod goes down. The escalation chain goes to voicemail, then to “Out of office: ski week in Verbier.”
-
He is in the server room. It’s his Pikett week. It’s always his Pikett week.
BB-02 · Worn here Pikett Week «Pikett? Logisch ich. Wer süscht.» CHF 89.– -
The replacement part arrives in 14 layers of plastic. Patrick chose the cheapest supplier. It’s the wrong part.
-
He drives to the supplier himself. Opens the box in the car park.
UR-01 · Worn here Procurement Ordered the Wrong Part «Patrick hät bstellt. Ich hol's sälber.» CHF 189.– -
Znüni. Standing at the rack.
-
Beat delivers the framework. It’s one slide. The invoice says CHF 18,000. The slide says what he said in March.
-
The quick alignment. Eleven people, two hours, one projector that won’t connect.
-
He finishes the action item. Nobody has assigned it yet.
UR-41 · Worn here The Brainstorming «Brainstorming? Nei merci.» CHF 39.– -
Reto: “Who’s taking the action item?” Everyone looks at him.
-
Reto’s deck arrives: FINAL_v7_neu_WIRKLICHFINAL.pptx. Forty slides. None of the real numbers.
-
He rebuilds it on the train from Bern.
CB-02 · Worn here The Board Presentation «FINAL_v7_neu.pptx. Ich mach's sälber.» CHF 89.–
Fritig
A real team effort.
-
Status report: green. File opened: 1×. By him.
-
Reto presents the work as “a real team effort.”
-
The chairman asks who did the analysis. Silence. Urs replies all to the invite: “Great teamwork.”
-
He answers. Briefly. He’s the smartest man in the room, and he’s too busy to say so.
CB-01 · Worn here The Smartest Man in the Room «De Gschiidscht im Ruum. Wie immer.» CHF 79.– -
He leaves the meeting. The meeting doesn’t notice. Fine. He’ll do it himself.
Guet. Dänn halt sälber.
- Guet.Fine.
- Literally “good.” Said with no enthusiasm whatsoever.
- DännThen
- As in: since nobody else is going to.
- haltjust
- The shrug. The whole philosophy in one syllable.
- sälber.myself.
- Already on it.
Germans and Austrians get the words. Only insiders hear the sigh between them.
Different place. Same Pfusch.
The barn, the site, his cousin’s wedding. The situation changes. The team’s contribution doesn’t.
One photo. One line. No briefing needed.
F4 posters for stations, tram stops and site fences. If it takes longer than a red light to get, it goes back to Beat.
Pikett week, day 7. I am the escalation chain.
Guet. Dänn halt sälber.
Fine. I'll do it myself.
White hard hat: points at things. Olive hard hat: fixes them.
What he wore while doing it.
Everything from Wednesday 16:00 to Friday 09:41. Wrinkle-free, lifetime-rated, and none of it needed a meeting.
BB-01 Bestseller Wednesday, Due Friday
Wear it when it's Wednesday, the project is due Friday, and the status report still says "green."
BB-02 Pikett Week
Wear it when it's your on-call week. It's always your on-call week.
UR-01 Procurement Ordered the Wrong Part
Wear it when the part arrives in 14 layers of plastic, and it's the wrong part.
UR-41 The Brainstorming
Wear it when someone says "there are no bad ideas."
CB-02 The Board Presentation
Wear it when the board wants "the real numbers," and Reto's deck has 40 slides and none of them.
CB-01 Bestseller The Smartest Man in the Room
Wear it when you walk into a room full of people who read the summary, and you read the whole thing.
Nobody else is going to do it.
Shirts and gear for the one guy on the team who actually does the Büez. You already know who that is.
Gratis Versand ab CHF 120.– · 30 Tage Retoure · 0 Sitzige